Whoever Said This Wasn't Possible Hasn't Dreamed Hard Enough
by DoubleDoseOfOver9000
Summary: You know that feeling when you scratch between your toes? When you have an itch, and you've been doing it for like five minutes, and it's too good to stop? This isn't about any of that. A collection of one-shots taking place simultaneously, or not, whatever, for multiple fandoms. Pure crack, crack pipe ready. Get ready for an adventure.


Chapter 1: It's Time to D-D-D-D-DON'T RAPE ME IN THE BOOTYHOLE

Yugi knew it was going to be a bad day the second he trudged out his front door. He had been up all night getting his ass reamed by Yami and was not in the mood for life this morning. When he felt the first raindrop land on his forehead, he felt the overwhelming urge to run back inside and submerse himself in a sea of wool blankets and the sweet, sweet voice of Justin Bieber. However, he marched on because he was afraid of the horrid sexual abuse that waited for him in the form of his grandfather back at home.

"Wait a second, that's never happened! I've never touched you!" Solomon exclaimed, disbelief written on his face with a sharpie, like literally with a sharpie. It was almost as if Jiggly Puff himself had stopped time, wrote 'disbelief' on Solomon's forehead, and then continued on his merry way.

Yugi scowled at the denial in his grandfather's voice. Of course he was going to deny the terrible truth. "Shut up, Grandpa! You know what happened last night!"

"…Yeah, you went to slee- wait a second didn't you just say that you were getting your ass reamed by Yami!?"

"Not literally! Wait…"

"What the fuck is a Yami anyway?"

"Ugh! You just don't understand!" With that said, Yugi stormed off, leaving his Grandfather to shake his head at the utterly confusing situation.

"Tell me Yugi, why wouldn't your grandfather understand us?" Yami mused from his room inside of Yugi's mind. Yami had wanted to tell the world about his relationship with Yugi for quite some time now, but the younger boy kept giving him shitty excuses as to why he should wait "just a little longer."

"You know what, I don't want to deal with you right now, just leave me the hell alone so I can walk to school in peace!" Yugi shouted, attracting the attention of the people around him. They wondered why he was yelling at himself, but let it go and blamed his unstable teenage hormones.

Finally Yugi, still brooding with the angst of one thousand teenagers because Yami refused to let the whole relationship thing go, arrived at school. He just couldn't make Yami understand that while he loved being in an incestuous relationship with his former self/ancestor, he just wasn't gay! He walked into the classroom and took his usual seat to the left of Joey, behind Marik, in front of Tea, and to the right of Trevor. Their homeroom teacher, Pegasus, glared at Yugi for being exactly 37.89 seconds late, but said nothing because the kid always took it as if he were trying to rape him in his booty hole.

"Ohayo minna," Yugi sighed as he pulled out his notebook filled with doodles of Macho Man Randy Savage and the song lyrics to Ohio Is for Lovers by Hawthorne Heights. He longingly caressed the poorly drawn doodle of Randy Savage before turning to Travis and asking him, "Hey, shouldn't we have graduated by now? It's been like 5 years since the whole Shadow Realm bullshit and I'm like 25."

"Goddamn it my name is Tristan! And yeah, we should go get ice cream at the mall right now!" Toriko responded.

"Yeah, that sounds great! You always have the best ideas Trevon!" Joey chimed in from the right.

"My name is Tri-"

"Do you think dick is a flavor by now? You would think that it'd be a flavor by now." Tea wondered out loud from her seat behind Yugi.

"No Tea, dick is not a flavor. What the hell is wrong with you?" Joey deadpanned, twisting in his seat to look at the abomination that is Tea.

"Well I just thought that due to popular demand they would have made it by now." Tea shrugged in response to the look he gave her.

"Who the fuck is demanding dick flavored ice cream?" Marik questioned, finally turning around to join the conversation after hearing dick and ice cream said in the same sentence.

"What's wrong with dick flavored ice cream?" Pegasus said as he wandered over to the small group, completely disregarding both his duties as a teacher and the other appalled students in the room.

"AHH! MY BOOTY HOLE!" Yugi screamed as he jumped out of his seat, covered his asshole and backed away slowly. "WHY THE FUCK AREN'T WE AT THE ICE CREAM SHOP YET?"

At that moment Tito jumped up with his right arm extended into a Power Rangers pose exclaiming, "DON'T WORRY GUYS, I'LL USE MY SUPER SECRET TELEPORTATION MINIMUM TO GET US ALL CONVENIENTLY OUT OF HERE!"

"What the hell is a minimum?" Marik said, still lost from the dick talk and highly confused as to what the hell was going on.

"NO TIME, LET'S GO!" Yugi screamed. With that, Trident activated his super secret teleportation no jutsu by uttering the words, "Bend, and SNAP!"

In a rush of white light, regret, and a sticky substance that tasted familiar but no one could quite put their finger on, Yugi, Joey, Marik, Tea, and Tom Cruise appeared in front of Dick's Ice Cream Shoppe in the local mall. The gang headed inside and began to contemplate the ice cream flavor that would ultimately send them into a fight to the death for the one bathroom in the shop.

"I think I'll have a strawberry cone," Joey said as he drooled all over the glass case protecting the ice cream from ice cream perverts such as himself.

"I'm going to go with butterscotch in a cup," said Marik as he tried to pull Joey away from the glass and the scared cashier.

"I TOLD YOU THEY HAD DICK FLAVORED ICE CREAM! IN YO FACE!" Tea screamed while simultaneously jumping for joy. After collecting herself, she calmly ordered a cone of dick flavored ice cream, which Yugi watched her eat from afar. He really wanted a cone, but, you know, he isn't gay. Tsunade was so depressed that no one could remember his name, let alone thank him for saving everyone's booty hole, that he got ice cream as black as his soul and proceeded to eat it in the corner booth, which everyone knows is reserved for emos.

Yugi could have sworn he heard Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata playing softly in the background, but was more focused on his argument with Yami over what ice cream flavor he would choose.

"I'm telling you, I'm getting a chocolate chip cone and that's final!" he yelled.

"No! Mint chocolate chip is the best flavor! Quit being a bitch about everything!" Yami yelled back.

"YOU KNOW WHAT?! You know I don't like it when you yell at me! Why do you always insist on hurting my feelings? It's bad enough I get raped at home, why are you mind raping me everywhere else?! And you wonder why I don't want you to tel-" Yugi rambled on as the tear of pain rolled down his actual face. The cashier was thoroughly scared of the young man talking and crying to himself over what appeared to be ice cream.

"OH MY FUCKING GOD NOT THIS AGAIN! " Yami tried cutting off the bitch fit he was about to receive, but it was to no avail. So he sat there cutting himself, pulling out his hair, and throwing around imaginary desks in the Yugi brain room.

"-And this is why our relationship is sinking faster than the Titanic with Rosie O'Donnell on board!"

"I don't even know what a fucking Rosie O'Donnell is!"

"STOP YELLING AT ME!"

"ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! I HAVE HAD IT WITH THESE MOTHERFUCKING ARGUMENTS IN THIS MOTHERFUCKING RELATIONSHIP! I'M AUDI 5000!"

Yami then proceeded to take over half of Yugi's body and rip him(self? it?) in half, like completely in half. Each half turned into a full Yugi, but the Yugi that was Yami Yugi had bigger hair and more defined eyes. Yami then swaggered out of the ice cream shop with all of his ancient Egyptian pharaoh swag. He was completely done with this shit, leaving everyone to wonder what the fuck had just happened.

He stormed out of the mall and headed down the street. As he passed an alleyway, he couldn't help but notice a large man in a hideous orange outfit snorting coke off of a clown's boner. After the bullshit that he went through with Yugi, he could be certain of one thing and one thing only: "I'm sure as hell glad I'm not that guy."

A/N: Did anyone else spot the other fandom references? It's time to play guess the next fandom! Your hint is in the last paragraph! Until next time! ~ Crack-sama & Heroin-sama


End file.
